President Joe Biden announced that United States troops were launching an invasion of the Caribbean island nation of Grenada. Considering that Grenada does not have an army, Pentagon officials predicted that complete takeover of the island would go quickly and without U.S. casualties.

Republican politicians condemned the invasion as a blatant attempt to distract media attention from the debacle in Afghanistan. Democratic members of Congress, on the other hand, praised the invasion. “It worked for Reagan,” said one Democratic spokesman who requested anonymity, “so why shouldn’t it work for Biden?”

On October 23, 1983, a suicide bomber in Beirut, Lebanon attacked the U.S. Marine barracks, killing 220 Marines and 21 other U.S. military personnel. Two days later, President Ronald Reagan ordered the invasion of Grenada, and media attention shifted to this victory. At the time, Grenada had a population of about 85,000. Reagan never retaliated for the killing of the Marines and instead withdrew U.S. troops from Lebanon.

At a hastily assembled press conference, Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-South Carolina) demanded the impeachment of President Biden because a suicide bomber at the Kabul Airport killed 13 members of the U.S. military, including 11 Marines. When asked why Biden should be impeached for the deaths of 11 Marines, while Reagan wasn’t for the deaths of 220 Marines, Graham blurted out, “That was different. Reagan was a Republican. No, strike that. That was different because it happened a long time ago. Seemingly flustered, Graham terminated his press conference by concluding, “Vote Republican next year.”

David Wallechinsky

(satire)